Diary of a Fat White Woman

Ok so yea it’s been a few months since I’ve posted and I apologize. For a while I was really feeling down about things.

So what’s new you ask? Well last week I finally managed to find a dietitian (3rd one I contacted) who would take me on. I spent 2 hours with her and she told me I definitely wasn’t eating enough. She said I was eating about 1500 calories a day and I needed 2100. So she came up with a good meal plan for me and as of yesterday (Monday) I am going by that. It’s alot of food though and feels strange to be eating so much.

The biggest news is that I have joined Curves. I went in the other week and checked out their equipment and talked to them. They have times when it’s quiet in there with very few people which is what I wanted. I’m not ready to be jiggling around and struggling on equipment in front of other people. Their equipment holds upto 450 lbs and even though there are a few pieces I can’t get onto yet there are quite a few I can. So I joined up. I mentioned it to a friend and she had always wanted to try it but didn’t want to do it alone. So she went in and joined up too. Yesterday was our first session. We met with the trainers and were shown how to use each piece of equipment. It was hard work and my back and feet were killing me after but I felt good. I am a bit sore today but that is to be expected. Patty works 7-2pm so we go around 2:30/3:00 in the afternoon which means I have to take time from work but my boss is perfectly fine with that. He is very supportive (his wife had gastric bypass a few years ago so he understands the struggles).

So I weighed myself yesterday and was 451.5 lbs. I’m going to Curves again on Thursday. We’ll see how this goes. Stay tuned!!

Yea, my title says it all. So as my previous post said I was changing things around and trying something different. I started on January 1 at 453.5 lbs. January 4th I was down 3.5 to 450 and January 7 down another 1lb to 449. January 11 I was down another 1lb to 448 but gained it back over the weekend so was 449 on January 14th. I wasn’t too upset because my period started and I usually gain a bit right before it with bloating.

So my period is done and I should be back to normal. I stayed on track all week and did my weight exercises every evening for 10 minutes. I did nothing different from the week before and when I weighed myself today I had gained!!!! I am now 451 lbs. What the fuck?

It seems that every thing I try works the first week and then stops working and I gain it back. If I had the money I’d see a nutritionist but of course they are not covered by OHIP, which in my most humble opinion is fucking stupid. The government keeps complaining about the obesity in the country and WILL pay over $50,000 to cover my gastric bypass in another country (which should be a last ditch effort) but won’t pay for me to try other things first like seeing a nutritionist. Maybe I’ll write to the minister of health and complain.

Right now I’m just pissed and frustrated and watching my dreams of being thinner and actually having a life and getting out and doing things go right down the drain.

Well, as two people commented on my last post about not eating enough I’ve changed things around a bit. Starting Jan 1 these are my changes:

- weigh myself only twice a week (mondays and fridays)
- eat 2,000 calories a day
- do some weight exercises
- work on my procrastination issues

So, as of January 1 I weighed 453.5 lbs. Yea I gained a few over Christmas, of course. I then did the above mentioned items and weighed myself again on Friday and was down 3.5 lbs.

My boyfriend was over on the weekend and I found I wasn’t as regimented as during the work week (will have to work on that). However, when I weighed myself this morning I was down another 1 lb so now sitting at 449.

Continuing with things this week and see how things go.

My body just does not want to go below 438. It’s driving me crazy. I have tried everything. I did the less than 1000 calories a day, I did the 2litres of water a day. I am usually staying around 1500 calories a day. According to websites at my weight I’d need 3200+ calories a day to maintain. So why aren’t I losing weight????

Right now I’m sitting at 443.5. I stayed the same all week.

Work has been stressful and have been working hard and had a few issues with a friend that upset me the past few weeks. Plus my period is 2 weeks late.

There are times I get on the scale and see that it hasn’t moved all week and I just feel like giving up. Oh and guess what, my approval for the surgery expires next week and I have to reapply to insurance for it. Is this ever gonna happen? Even though I am not gaining my body/stomach feels heavier and hanging lower and when I stand it pulls on the muscles and is painful. Mobility is getting worse.

What is wrong with me.