Diary of a Fat White Woman

I went to Dr Bishop’s office on Wednesday for an appointment with his nutritionist. I got on the scales and had lost 17.5 lbs since my visit 2 weeks previously!! WOW!

The nutritionist was no help at all though. She showed me the same booklet they gave me when I first when to see Dr Bishop last year outlining carbs, proteins, restricted vegetables, free vegetables, etc. She kept talking to me like I was just doing the atkins diet or something. She’d be showing me the booklet and saying something like “and don’t have more than 1/2 cup of beets at a time” and I’m thinking “um I can only eat 1/2 cup of anything at a time”. Anyway, she didn’t tell me anything I didn’t know so I think I’ll just stop going. Very soon I’ll be able to get weighed on my regular doctor’s scales (which only go up to 375lbs). I have an appointment with her next week to get her to write out an order for blood tests that I need to have done before I visit the surgeon in beginning of Sept.

Feeling good about things. Next Saturday I’m going to my first party since the surgery at my sisters and she always has a good spread … things like nachos and a yummy dip, sausage rolls, hors d’oeuvres, chips, etc. But this time they are thinking about me and will be doing deli meats and buns, salads (potato, macaroni, etc.). I’ll not eat dinner that night and just nibble on things there.

And in the next few weeks I’ll be going to my first restaurant since surgery. I’ll let you know how that goes. I’ll have to be careful what I order as I don’t want to be running to the bathroom. My boss was telling me this week that his family went out for chinese on the weekend and kept telling his wife to slow down with her eating. She had the surgery 3 years ago. Well she ate too fast and ended up running to bathroom and throwing it all up again. I guess it is something you have to remember and live with the rest of your life.

Met with the trainer twice this week and boy am I sore and stiff!! LOL but I guess that is a good thing. I want to tone up as much as I can to try to minimize the amount of sagging skin I’ll get.

Ok it’s been a while since I wrote. Nothing really to update you on. Still waiting on things. My sleep study got bumped up and it’s next week (May 16th). A very nice lady from the hospital called me yesterday and asked my weight. She had a note in their book saying I was overweight and had asked about a larger bed so she called to see how overweight. She was very understanding and said they’d give me their biggest bed and had noted that I was apprehensive. They are also ordering extra large gowns for me cause I mentioned I didn’t have pajamas or nightgowns that fit me and sleep in tshirt and undies. She even asked if I would need a wheelchair to get me to the section of the hospital they do the study in.

This week I ordered a new book called “Winning After Losing” by Stacey Halprin. She has been on Oprah off and on for the past 20 years. She weighed over 500lbs and had gastric bypass surgery and lost over 350lbs. She wrote a book about how to keep the weight off after you lose it. The book came today and I’ve just read the introduction and saw myself in it so much.

I was thinking about when I first became overweight. Looking back at pictures I was always a bit chubby but I think it was junior high and high school it started getting worse. I wish I knew why. Part of her book talks about learning the issues of why you overeat. I remember in high school sneaking food and eating it the bathroom as quick as I could before my mother found out. It was worse after I got my first job. I worked at a drug store and on my break would grab a bag of chips and pop and chocolate bar and snack on it.

I struggle every time I leave the house with all the fast food places. They talk to me. When I know I am going out my thoughts immediately go to what I could get. Will it be McDonalds and get a big mac? Or Tim Hortons and an ice cap and some timbits. I need to figure out why. I’m not hungry, I know that’s not the reason. I don’t remember ever having been abused as a child. So what are my issues? This should definately be an interesting journey.