Diary of a Fat White Woman

Ok it’s been a while since I wrote. Nothing really to update you on. Still waiting on things. My sleep study got bumped up and it’s next week (May 16th). A very nice lady from the hospital called me yesterday and asked my weight. She had a note in their book saying I was overweight and had asked about a larger bed so she called to see how overweight. She was very understanding and said they’d give me their biggest bed and had noted that I was apprehensive. They are also ordering extra large gowns for me cause I mentioned I didn’t have pajamas or nightgowns that fit me and sleep in tshirt and undies. She even asked if I would need a wheelchair to get me to the section of the hospital they do the study in.

This week I ordered a new book called “Winning After Losing” by Stacey Halprin. She has been on Oprah off and on for the past 20 years. She weighed over 500lbs and had gastric bypass surgery and lost over 350lbs. She wrote a book about how to keep the weight off after you lose it. The book came today and I’ve just read the introduction and saw myself in it so much.

I was thinking about when I first became overweight. Looking back at pictures I was always a bit chubby but I think it was junior high and high school it started getting worse. I wish I knew why. Part of her book talks about learning the issues of why you overeat. I remember in high school sneaking food and eating it the bathroom as quick as I could before my mother found out. It was worse after I got my first job. I worked at a drug store and on my break would grab a bag of chips and pop and chocolate bar and snack on it.

I struggle every time I leave the house with all the fast food places. They talk to me. When I know I am going out my thoughts immediately go to what I could get. Will it be McDonalds and get a big mac? Or Tim Hortons and an ice cap and some timbits. I need to figure out why. I’m not hungry, I know that’s not the reason. I don’t remember ever having been abused as a child. So what are my issues? This should definately be an interesting journey.